Hey..
I just.. need to write.
I'm lost, im completely lost. I know i want things to get better but im afraid that even if they do, i still will never be truly happy. And im absolutely terrified of that.
What if in the end, im still not happy? What was the point? Do i give up now, or keep going and hope?
Idk.. i just dont know.
All i know is, this feeling has got to go away. This has got to end.
But it's never gone away, this feeling has always been there, since the beginning, since i was young. So maybe we just live in pain..
But i don't want to. I don't want to!
I wanna cut.. deep, really deep, and just end it. Im sick of it. Im sick of crying myself to sleep every night, im sick of looking at other people and wishing i was them.
Im sick of it.
Maybe life, isn't for everyone.

(Mhm..)


(This is what i do every fucking night)









(Exactly...)








(She can't take it no more..)



(Agreed)









(I believe it.... )





( Thats mainly why i cant write anymore)


( Me, right now)


(I honestly dont think there is anyone for me.. I hope im wrong...)


    (   :(..  )


Mhmmm




Sorry its a mess, im a mess, and it shows.
I'm sorry.. im just sorry...
Im loosing it.

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Here's a new update. Have more time now so you will see more.

Here's everything that makes me who i am. Everything i put on here describes me in someway. This site is for me, this site gets me through.

The nights when you feel alone.  Where everyone goes to sleep early, just so they can avoid the feeling.

 

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

 

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life.

 

 

It's a question of lust. It's a question of trust. It's a question of not letting what we've built up crumble to dust. It is all of these things and more that keep up together.

 

 

Inside your heaven... It's only when I lose myself in someone else... Then I find myself. I find myself. I can feel the emptiness inside me fade and disappear. There's a feeling of content that now you are here. I feel satisfied. I belong inside your velvet heaven. Did I need to sell my soul for pleasures like this? Did I have to lose control to treasure your kiss? Did I need to place my heart in the palm of your hand before I could even start?

 

"One is loved because one is loved.
No reason is needed for loving."

 

Listen to your heart, it knows what it needs.

 

"No heart has ever suffered when
it goes in search of its dreams."

 

"We dance for laughter, we dance for tears,
we dance for madness, we dance for fears,
we dance for hopes, we dance for screams,
 we are the dancers, we create the dreams."

 

When we lose the right to be different,

we lose the privilege to be free.

Let me say to you that to do nothing at all is
the most difficult thing in the world, and the most intellectual.

 

It's a kind of radiance.

People who possess a true inner beauty.

their eyes are a little brighter.

their skin a little more dewy.

They vibrate at a different frequency.

 

Life doesn't revolve around what you need to
know, it revolves around what you need to understand.

life is about chasing things you think are truly worth it..
even if they never happen.

 

 

Whose turned us around like this, so that whatever we do, we always have the look of someone going away? Just as a man on the last hill showing him his whole valley one last time, turns, stops,a nd lingers - so we live and forever leaving.'

 

Some piece of you stays in me.

 

‘I hate this feeling. Like I’m here, but I’m not. Like someone cares. But they don’t. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air. I considered the streets beyond, bleak as the bleached bones of wilderness scaffolding my heart. Just a stone’s throw away.’

 

'Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure.'

 

I will always be here for you, no matter what.

'I have crossed over to a place where I never thought I’d be. I am someone I would have never imagined. A secret. A dream. I am this, body and soul. Burn me. Drown me. Tell me lies. I will still be who I am.

 

'Who's gonna break my fall, when the spinning starts, the colors bleed together and fade. Was it ever there at all? Or have I lost my way? The path of least resistance is catching up with me again today.'

 

I've been giving up on people to easily. If they don't call, if they don't try - then I don't. It's not fair to lay the blame on them when I'm not calling either. I'm just as much at fault. I've got a lot of resentment for old friends - for letting me go without a fight. I just want someone to call and say "I miss you, how are you?" I just want to call someone and say "I miss you, I'm sorry."

 

"He'll never let you down. That boy's got a heart the size of Kentucky and he loves you. That's important. Take it from someone who knows. My mom used to tell me that whatever you do, marry someone who loves you more than you love him."

 

"sleeps been coming hard for me
because when I dream, it's of you.
from the first day i made mistakes
and down I'm trying to pave my way to your heart.
sleep well my dear.
I'm waiting for your call, it won't be long
til we're hanging hopes from the stars."

 

I lost him.

"let's run away to a place where
the air tastes like rain and
the sun shines like sunday mornings.
i'll bring my laugh and you bring your sense of humor,
and we can taste the days, one week after another."

If i asked to go with you, would you let me?

"I never asked for it to be over. Then again, I never asked for it to begin. That's the way it is with life, some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance. But even the most beautiful days have their sunsets."

 

You only have to ask.. I swear, I'll be there in a heartbeat.

 

"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to.
Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped caring.
Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you."

 

I hope you find yourself out there..

 

Well, I guess that it’s typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again. And to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago, or a friend that you used to know, and there below his frozen face where you wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date, and you can't believe that he’s really gone. When all that's left is a fucking song.

 

I’m right here.

 

"when theres something you really want
fight for it, dont give up no matter how
hopeless it seems. and when you've lost hope
ask yourself if 10 years from now are you
going to wish you had given it just one more shot
cause the best things in life, they don't come free."

 

"we say we love flowers, yet we pluck them.
we say we love trees, yet we cut them down.
and some people still wonder why some are afraid
when they are told they are loved. "

 

He asked, "Are you sad?" And she was quiet, hesitant, unlike herself -- until she shakily shook her head "yes". And he said nothing, but ran his hands up her back and turned her to face him, pressing his nose against hers looking softly, hardly breathing, understanding, not knowing, not even loving, just comprehension, comprehension of what she needed; The hands that brushed her spine and the hair out of her face the pressure of his body and the fact that just then, he was her friend. And she felt more than his skin and he more than hers, and he held her like he held the world.

 

 

There's nothing like the deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.-The Perks of Being a Wallflower

 

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks. Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.”

 

I've never seen a smile that can light the room like yours.
It's simply radiant, I feel more with everyday that goes by.
I watch the clock to make my timing just right.
Would it be okay, would it be okay
if I took your breath away?

Don't wait. What are you waiting for?

Go get her! Don't let her walk right by,

because she can't wait forever sweetheart.